IT IS HERE, LIVE: BECAUSE THEY CAN PLAY F*CKING GOOD FOOTBALL
Starting from pre-season in Bangkok, my new Erik ten Hag book is being written as Manchester United's season goes along, and costs £4.99 a-month for weekly chapters sent to your email
Below is the 1st week free - if you fancy then please sign up - PART TWO HERE
through the days
late summer
autumn
winter
spring
the ingot coloured afternoons and eves
of May
this:
this
is
Manchester United
De aap komt uit de mouw
(Dutch proverb: the monkey comes out the sleeve)
page 1
the many crises of man utd
(7-13 august: man utd 1 brighton 2; man utd 0 brentford 4)
the many crises of manchester united
are found on Saturday and Sunday afternoons
mid-week European nights
in tragedies
travails, off-notes
jazz renditions in wet Mancunia rain gone awry
with players who jar, dislocate
a slew of managers who cannot compose a tune from Number
1-to-11
you can see the chronicles written up
everywhere and nowhere
in the spaces between the next things
by
the professional scribes,
obituaries-r-us merchants, pensmiths, punderati, the social media masses, fans and non-fans
who sound off;
declaim;
there is heartache,
glee,
in these witness statements for the prosecution in the case against Manchester United.
the many crises of man utd are spoken about
sliced, diced, re-sliced/diced
as if these are affairs of state
erik ten hag a patrician whose administration is failing:
as if they matter
these copious crises
because
they do.
kind of.
the many crises of manchester united will not stop those men in red coming alive again.
will they…???
page 2
Bangkok, pre-season, 11 July, 2022
Rajamangala Stadium,
sweltering heat,
close air,
close attention to the passing of the boys
down along the sides
we must
go
2 hrs training
and the press are in here
the media
it is the written corps erik should be aware of
the scribes
these are the ones…
‘aaron, inside, inside.’
the play is along the left so the right fullback must move across.
this is elementary.
what have they been coached???
what are they scribing, these scribes?
who among them will see what he tries to do.
what erik needs to do.
page 3
Melbourne, July, pre-season
‘DAVID, DAVID!!!
WHAT THE FUCK YOU DOING?!!?!!’
page 4
Netherlands, Friday 22 April 2022
on the flatlands through the air a Germanic register/diction clipped vowels and consonants and utterances that play pithy from a Dutchman who parses this: they are here this day to find him hire him sign him up come rescue us, they say. be the man who can be our emperor does he have magick enough? as back in Manchester the beast paws and moans a nine year and still counting count; thorns in eyes, laughter from the derisive crowd, phantoms of glories past that haunt and lurk and swarm and surround that tease and taunt. this is Manchester United he is Erik ten Hag Manager No 9 since 2013 since HIM we are in free fall we are laughing stock, they say. come rescue us please. sure. he signs on the line and this day it is announced: 22 April 2022. let the jamboree begin. he is Erik ten Hag and this will be the oceans and the stars the universe in his pocket if he can pull this off. can he? of course times 10000 he can. he hopes
page 5
Sunday, 31 July, Pre-season, Old Trafford
he is gone;
he has walked out on us;
he played the first half versus rayo vallecano, then
cristiano was replaced, he had been absent from training all summer
due to a family issue; he was back, this was his 1st action,
at the break off came ronaldo, No 7, and off he went: from old trafford,
our 112 year old home, this venerable ground of OUR FANS, ernest mangnall, billy meredith, SIR MATT, JIMMY MURPHY, duncan edwards, bobby, george, denis, sammy, lou, martin buchan, tommy doc, bryan robson, norman whiteside, SIR ALEX, eric C - the wonderful eric - the class of 92, jaap, rio, wayne, nemanja, david de gea, robin van p, luke, bruno, and all the rest of the grand roll of our wonderful managers and players: he, cristiano ronaldo - ronnie - who is a hero to us
HAS WALKED OUT OF OLD TRAFFORD BEFORE THE END OF THE GAME.
This, after The Guardian reported on Friday:
‘To an Instagram post commenting on his exclusion from the squad for the Atlético match, Ronaldo commented: “Domingo o rei joga,” – “Sunday, the king plays.”’
page 6
Wednesday, 3 aug, pre-season
The Guardian:
‘Ten Hag told the Dutch media outlets AD and Viaplay: “I certainly don’t condone this. This is unacceptable. For everyone. We are a team and you have to stay until the end.”’
page 7
the tragedy of Ronaldo
they came to Old Trafford
to see a genius
the young man
who was once
young
their hero
but times are different now
- they always are
and he is a ghost in
an image they and he grasp to get a handle on.
cristiano: 482m instagram followers on this rain-swept eve, 22/9/22;
an insta post declaims,
‘turn negatives into incentives/sins into wins’;
alongside an image of
cr7 in boxing sweats and gold gloves.
the profile reads ‘cristiano, paid partnership with cr7 cristiano ronaldo’
a paid partnership with himself.
the tragedy of cristiano is the tragedy of you and I
of paradises re-lost
lustre fades.
it does/doesn’t it???
cristiano, young man old boy, you age…
page 8
Casemiro signs, 23 aug, 2022
he is past it - apparently
real madrid never sell a good player - apparently
he is 30 and costing 60/70m and this is a folly - apparentlylet’s see.
page 9
antony dons the red livery
can you picture him?
85£m clicks.
a first or second or fourth erik ten hag choice???
the Brazilian dude
who went public
to force a move from the storied Dutch club
the one Cruyff performed for
and for what?
a victory that may never appear, mean more than nothing…
from the barrios of Sao Paulo
to Ajax of Amsterdam
to
M16 0RA
Sir Matt Busby Way
where Lou Macari’s Fish and Chips shop
still spills grease and serves up a 2.50£ bag of spuds deep fried in a paper bag
and the fanzine barkers
the spivs
the high end
touts
ply a trade
he is
tattooed
a lowslung
gunslinger
wing
man
a PT Barnum of the sward is the hope:
pow pow pow pow
ker-pow!
goes
Antony along the Manchester United right
through the Manchester night
when Arsenal are in town
and he dons the red livery for a first time
hear the crowd whisper
as he veers and careers
and scores: eye the celebration/take a look at the celebration; a festa in the veins.
antony matheus dos santos
page 10
man utd 1 brighton 2
there were protests before against the glazers’ ownership;
the club shop had to be closed down;
avram glazer was here;
and on the pitch brighton gave erik a ‘welcome to the premier league’ he
did not wish;
christian eriksen and lisandro martinez made debuts; ronaldo came
on in the 2nd half but he and marcus R were toothless;
1-2 at the close and utd were a rabble; where is the pressing erik talked up…?
Old Trafford: a theatre of NIGHTMARES.
it is “a hell of a job” erik says afterwards; and the hell gets even more heller when, next week
brentford smash his boys 4-0 away, at their place, on their turf, before their crowd: 4-0: at halftime…
where, where can erik go from here?
already the questions arise
already
already
already
page 11
summer in ten hag’s eyes
silver screen star
a smile like Manchester United’s histoire
mainlines
jazzes and buzzes
when striding the training fields of Carrington.
because: he has summer in the eyes; warm hours when the team is a symphonic exercise in red
an operatic cinematic billboard hogging joy and all is in concert down along the Sir Matt Busby Way.
BECAUSE:
Monday 22 August 2022
Old Trafford
Man Utd 2 Liverpool 1
Sancho (16) Salah (81)
Rashford (53)
Yes. OH YES!!!
the auld enemy, jurgen klopp’s gang: downed
WHY???
WHY????
YOU ASK WHY???!!!
let me tell you very clear and plain:::
because they can play fucking good football.